It is partly looking into and listening for how they are interacting, and mostly recognizing the energy behind who they are being moment-to-moment. Not for the faint of heart. “Soft skills” are the most difficult skills to learn. We have habits, patterns, and ways of being and interacting that often don’t serve us. And those ways of being and behaving are hardwired in from years of experience. The willingness to acknowledge how one’s inner state impacts others takes courage.
I use the emotional intelligence competency framework as a map. It allows us to look at specific skills and not make a skill deficit into a personality disorder. (We are so willing to make ourselves and others wrong!)
Self awareness….the willingness to recognize who we are BEING, takes practice. It requires noticing our inner state, the skills and practices to shift that state if necessary, and the humility to shift it for the sake of something important….like relationships.
There are no results without relationships. Who we are being ultimately impacts results.
Homework: when you walk into a room, what do other people do?
Look up and smile? Come toward you? Look down or away? Pretend they don’t notice you?
It’s like going to the grocery store…are people avoiding you by going down other aisles or coming toward you to say hello? We all do that, and we are also having it done to us.
One of my clients noticed this for a week and came to our next session with, “If they scatter like mice, is that bad?” Of course I replied, “It’s all just information.”
So try it. Notice your inner state…physical: tense, relaxed, closed, open…mental: preoccupied, attentive, closed, open….emotional: at ease, content, worried, stressed, closed, open?
And, what impact might that inner state have on those around you and how they respond to you?
Being is a set of skills.
Let me know what you notice, share this with others, share what you notice with us, we can learn together.